…and here’s some more:

“So you’ll screw some other guy’s kid but not my Cassidy? What’s up with that, man? I’d like to get a look at this girl… see what she’s got that my Cassidy doesn’t. I’m sure you could arrange that.” – Vic, to a child molester

“Oh, this is gonna be the one, I can feel it… I better get my raincoat.” – Vic, to Tavon as he plays a phony game of Russian roulette to get info from a suspect

“Gee, only six months into our unflinching moral stand, and already the results are devastatingly effective.” – Dutch, to Claudette

“Whatever makes Slap happy.” – Vic

“…besides, we’re still gonna need someone to mow our lawns when this here race war’s over.” – Shane, posing as a neo-Nazi

“You showed a 70-year-old woman a penis line-up?” – Claudette

“Just attack it Dutch… like you’re hungry… like the wolf…” – Vic

“Why don’t you suck my DICK… again?” – Juan Lazano

“I want every inch of Koreatown smothered” – Aceveda / “Like white on rice.” – Vic

“Looks like you’re going to die a bad speller.” – Vic

“I got greedy. I lost it all. There’s a lesson there, Vic.” – Asst. Chief Ben Gilroy

“Ooh, crushing crime, one blunt at a time.” – Claudette

“Hey, look got promoted to bathroom monitor!” – Vic, re: Dutch waiting for Capt. Rawling to finish using the ladies’ room

“Blessed is he who delivers this asshole unto me.” – Vic

“This guy is a real flower delivery man, and he’s Asian, so feel free to assume he’s not our escaped Hispanic rapist, asshole!” – Vic

“Gee, that’s funny.” – Waitress whose registration was just stolen by the above-named Hispanic rapist / “…not really.” – Vic

“Big Chief Vic needum new wheels so he can catchum bad guy.” – Vic, making ‘smoke signals’ with his broken-down police beater

A quick collection of some of my favorite one-liners from “The Shield” over the years (I’m feeling nostalgic, what can I say?):

“Hey asshole, I got a beautiful woman at home who’s pregnant with my child… you’re the one who actually knows the names of dick parts.” – Shane

“Wait, wait… you’re Caesar in this story?” – Dutch, to Billings

“Either someone’s into dry pussy, or she’s helpin’ smuggle these girls in.” – Vic

“There’s some chicken pot pies in the quick-mealer.” – Billings, in response to Vic asking if there was something (a case) he could “sink his teeth into”

“Why don’t you chill out, Teeth?” – Kern Little, to Shane

“[Tina’s] female AND a latino; there’s like three hoops to jump through before I can [fire] her.” – Billings, re: Ofc. Hanlon’s screw-ups

“Money and pussy make men do evil shit.” – Vic, to Shane

“Looks like you wandered into the wrong prayer group, Frosty.” – Shane, to a white Nation of Islam member

“What’s up with that, Javier? Lines too long at the DMV?” – Shane, in response to a banger with an expired license

More to come…

Sooooo well, I dunno, I don’t want to put Lem’s death back onto Mackey, especially with all of the delving into Shane’s Vic-Envy, but then again, I just remembered another entry where I briefly talked about Mackey’s near-unconscious manipulation of other people. I think I mentioned something about him not necessarily manipulating people outright, but somehow being able to bend people to his will almost unconsciously.

Take the whole Lem situation: After the whole “the truth is, this could be goodbye” scene when I re-watched “Postpartum,” it doesn’t flash to Shane looking doubtful, or casting a second glance at Mackey, as I’d previously written. But then, out of Ronnie’s earshot, Vic brings up the fact that “Lem must’ve said something to Becca about Terry, too.” Then he launches into the whole “it’s all on me, I know that” speech.

I think it may be here that Shane decides he’s takin’ Lem out if he won’t go to Mexico.

Even if Vic doesn’t realize it, he’s goading Shane toward action. Remember, at that point in S5, Mackey doesn’t really have much of a family anymore. Sure, he’s still committed to his kids, but let’s say Lem really HAD turned on them and ratted; Vic going to jail wouldn’t destroy his family the way it would destroy Shane’s. Mara would be a complete train wreck without him, and, as we later found out, she was pregnant AGAIN.

Do I think Vic WANTED Shane to off Lem? I still want to say no, but it’s hard to tell. The look he gives Shane after he arrives? On repeat viewings, it’s difficult to tell if that look says, ‘Why the hell do I smell grenade smoke on you,’ or ‘We did what had to be done.’

Then he gives Shane another look when they find Lem’s body. Shane’s eyes well up a little and then he turns away.

I think it’s telling that Vic delivered S5’s last line to Ronnie rather than Shane. I mean, he’s looking straight ahead, but if he’s talking TO anyone, it’s Ronnie. Maybe he’s realizing that his mention of the Terry situation to Shane perhaps spurred him into the murder of a team member.

WHEN DOES THE NEW RUN OF EPISODES START?!?!?!?!

By now, you may have read the Internet jokes about Mr. T and Chuck Norris. I have chosen to adapt that to “The Shield” for everyone’s favorite character – and one I believe fits perfectly into that particular joke scheme – Detective Vic Mackey.

I only have a few so far, and some of them are pilfered from the Mr. T/Chuck Norris ones. Please let me know if you think of any other ones; I will add them to the list.

• Children are afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Vic Mackey.

• Vic Mackey and Kojak once had a fistfight in an alley. The result of their fists colliding was the L.A. Ramparts CRASH division.

• Vic Mackey does not play “Rock, Paper, Scissors,” he plays “Rock, Paper, Service Revolver.” Nothing seems to beat Service Revolver.

• The glint from Vic Mackey’s bald head can be seen from space. It will still blind you.

• Vic Mackey once arrested 35 men for separate homicides in one hour. He spent the first 47 minutes having sex with a suspect’s girlfriend.

• Every time a church bell rings, Vic Mackey punches someone in the kidneys.

• When Vic Mackey was born, he slapped the doctor. He then proceeded to sweat the nursing staff for three extra formula bottles a week.

• Detective Ed Green didn’t leave “Law & Order” to film “Rent.” He left because he was more scared of Vic Mackey than he was of AIDS.

That’s a quote from Mackey, about Lem, from “Postpartum,” and I think it has become a source of confusion for a lot of “Shield” bloggers and fans.

I read at least two posts that insinuated Mackey was in on Lem’s death, and that’s something I just can’t believe.

Right after Mackey says that line (if I’m not mistaken), the camera pans over to Shane, who gives him some kind of second look that, upon repeat viewings, appears to be Shane jumping to the conclusion that Vic wants Lem killed.

I, for one, however, do not believe Vic was in on it. I think it was just another example of Shane trying to impress and emulate Vic, only to fail miserably.

Mackey has killed people, yes. He has put them in a position to be killed, yes. But he has never turned on a member of his team (the ORIGINAL team… much as I liked him, Tavon doesn’t count… and Mackey didn’t really TURN on him, they just misled him so that [ahem] Shane’s involvement, along with the money train, would stay under wraps).

There is also the look that Mackey gives Shane just after he’s offed Lem and arrived at the rendezvous location. Again, a lot of people seem to be thinking it was a look of complicit involvement, or a conspiratorial glance.

I think he smelled smoke from the grenade on Shane.

I don’t know a lot about grenades, but when that shit exploded, it made a LOT of smoke, which Shane then walked right through to get his last look at Lem. And while I’m thinking about forensic evidence, he probably left his bootprints and tire tracks at the scene as well.

Again, look at the sheer amount of luck and coincidence that would have had to happen for Lem to get killed in the way it appears: by a Salvadorian grenade tossed by a pissed-off pal of Gujardo’s.

That means some Salvadorians, who HAPPEN to be walking around with at least one armed grenade on them, HAPPEN to spot Lem sitting in a car on an abandoned property, eating a sandwich. They then HAPPEN to get the drop on him, and manage to get a live grenade in his car WITHOUT HIM SEEING THEM and with enough time for them to get away before it blew.

In other words, no f’n way is anyone going to believe this wasn’t an inside job, least of all Vic, who in my estimation, pronounced Shane’s death sentence at the end of “Postpartum.”

Also, don’t forget that the entire situation precipitated in S5 – the heroin in Lem’s car that brought all the IAD pressure in the first place – can be traced back to Shane’s stupidity and Vic-Envy in getting involved with Antwon Mitchell.